My first poetic attempt in Español - probably awful, but still...

La suciedad, el odio, y la verdad tan triste –
Eso es todo lo que puedo contemplar.
No hay ninguna alma pura a la vista...
¡Mi amor! ¿Dónde te puedo encontrar?

In Dein Leben/In Your Life

Für mich bist Du das Sonnenlicht
Hältst mich in meiner Kälte warm
Doch für Dich existier` ich nicht
Du siehst mich nicht mal an
Du bist der Grund warum ich lebe
Und jeden neuen Tag erfahr’
Doch für Dich existier` ich nicht
Du nimmst mich nicht mal wahr

Ich träum` mich täglich in Dein Leben
In Deine Welt hinein
Ich würd’ die ganze Welt durchqueren
Um bei Dir zu sein

Für mich bist Du der hellste Stern
Der den Weg zu wissen schien
Doch für Dich existier` ich nicht
Du bist so nah und doch so fern
Für mich bist Du der Untergang
Das Ende wo kein Anfang war
Doch für Dich existier’ ich nicht
Warum ich das nie sah?
(L'Ame Immortelle)

This is but my modest translation of L'Ame Immortelle's "In Dein Leben" from German (actually, not very exact one). I also tried to keep to the tune of the song and make some rhyme. And this is what came out...

For me you are the brightest sun,
That warms me when I'm cold inside,
Still for you I do not exist,
You never look into my eyes.
You are the reason why I live,
Enduring every waking day,
Still for you I do not exist,
And you don’t hear me pray…

I daily dream of me in your life,
Of entering your world,
And I would surely cross the earth
If you I could hold.

For me you are the gleaming star
That shines to help me find my path,
Still for you I do not exist
You are so near but yet so far…
For me you are the downfall,
The end of what could never start.
Still for you I do not exist,
Why can’t I rule my heart?!

Let's Laugh!

27 июля, как известно, был днем системного администратора. И вот представила я себя админом! Весело стало немного :) Вспомнилась полюбившаяся мне песня группы Пикник - "Египтянин" (рекомендую), и, послушав ее, внезапно решила состряпать свой текст на их музыку. Вроде и бред сумасшедшего, а звучит прикольно (в песне участвуют 3 персонажа):

Жизнь админа – не мед,
Кто же это поймет?
Не дают мне покоя
FTP и пароли,
И система опять тормозит…
Что за скрытый процесс?
Может, траффик он ест?!
Файервол не спасает,
Хакера все взломают!
Надо выпить мне «Новопассит»…

(Голос 1):
Будто я – бедный траффик,
И меня жадно жрет злой Троян,
Но админ не узнает –
Он сегодня обкурен и пьян.
Будто я… Будто я…

Мой диспетчер задач
Что-то глючит, хоть плачь!
Видно, день неудачный –
Не могу снять задачу,
Зависает компьютер совсем!
Где же вирус - подлец?!
Точно в Windows залез!
Жесткий диск, ты прости,
Но тебя не спасти,
Нужно вновь форматировать все…

(Голос 2):
Будто я – червь несчастный,
И меня все гоняет админ,
Обновил антивирус,
Остается мне путь лишь один!
Будто я… Будто я…

I'd sing to you...

She stood at the window in the bright sunshine,
She whispered a prayer staring into the blue;
Soft colors of summer, so cheerful and blinding
She was contemplating while thinking of you.
She reached out her hand and felt the light rain,
Then she said again…

“I’d sing to you of the clouds floating slowly in the sky,
I’d sing to you of the wind blowing tenderly your hair,
I’d sing to you of my dreams and your beautiful sweet lies,
If you just gave me your hand, I would follow you anywhere…”

I want to kiss your face and hold you gently,
Oh, darling, can't you see, my lips are trembling...
I’m breathless; I must tell this now,
By gosh, I’m hopelessly in love!

I’ll forgive you everything,
Please, just talk to me!
You have given me the wings,
Please, don’t break them, dear…

Never...

Never will you know
What this love’s done to me,
Never did you care,
Having no sympathy.
Great Heavens, tell me when
Will all this torture end?!

Chorus:

Oh, I’m so jealous!
I wish I could steal you from everyone!
It’s just like madness,
There’s nothing to save, there’s nowhere to run.
And I will never be your only one…
God, is there really nothing to be done?!

Never will I see
Light of love in your eyes,
Never will I be
Able to melt the ice.
Am I beneath contempt?
My soul’s been surely damned!

(Chorus)

This world of violence
Is forcing me to die,
Please, break the silence
And make me feel alive!
I’ve always wanted
What I could never get;
Why am I fated
To breathe the one I’ve never met?!

Try…

I understand your position,
I understand what you mean,
But I really have lost my vision
For the things not connected with him.

I know you tried to do your best
In order to get my attention,
Well, now it’s time to make it clear,
See why you can’t gain my affection…

Try to forgive me,
It’s all my heart’s fault,
Try to believe me,
I don’t need the world,
‘Cause I can’t get over the feeling
That he just left me with,
And everything after his leaving
Seems grey and meaningless.

You see, I am not the perfection,
And maybe can’t find the right words;
I’m grateful you tried to support me
When I really was out of sorts.

You say you’re waiting for my love,
But that’s just the thing I can’t promise,
It’s just as hard for you to hear,
As it’s hard for me now to be honest.

You know that love
Is such a merciless game,
It burns our soul,
But we’ve gotta put out the flame…

Untitled

I lay dreaming,
I lay staring at the ceiling;
It’s so pleasant –
To break away from everything...
I was thinking
Of the man whose name was Lincoln,
What would he say
If he’d heard the things you sing?

You’re so wonderful,
So awesome, and I swear you are!
Ain’t too beautiful,
But I don’t care,
No quiero hablar…
I just wish you knew,
There’s no other such faithful fan,
Lo siento, dear,
I can’t be where you are…

I can see ya,
¡Qué suerte, qué alegría!
Muchas gracias por todo,
That you’ve created in this world!
But if I’d lived
After you or just before you,
I’d have never
Heard your true and precious words…


Dedicated to Chester and Linkin Park, written about a year ago. It’s highly recommended to listen to their new album “Minutes to Midnight”!
I love you, guys!!!

Meditating...

It turns out that in this blog I post the oldest poems of mine. So let it be so – and here is one of them, dated January, 2005.


Why are there tears? Why is there pain?
Why do the good things fade away?
Why are we living in the dark,
Trying to forget about our bad luck?

Don’t follow me, oh, my destiny!
I won’t give in, but you’ll give in to me;
It’s hard to breathe, the air isn’t clear,
Don’t kill me now, I wanna live.

We fall for seduction, succumb to temptation,
Sometimes got no reason, can’t give explanation;
Our life is too short for us to linger,
And we still can’t find its precious meaning.

Why do the tears fall in the rain?
Why does it feel so gloomy again?
Why do we say a hundred lies,
A thousand of rude things and million goodbyes?

Bore

I ransacked my drawer and what I found was this poem (or song) which is already 2 years old. It was exactly what I would have liked to say to some “stars” at that time.
Do you think this is relevant now?


You’ve got no education,
But you demand adoration;
Hey, where’s your skill, where’s your imagination?

I stop up my ears when I hear you on the radio,
It’s nasty to see you each day on TV;
You’re so sure that you’re the best,
That you look cute in that pink dress...

The lyrics you sing is pure triteness,
The music you play is too primitive!
Oh, when you talk – it’s sheer nonsense,
Someone unknown has got more to give...

Hey, guys, who do you think you are?
You all suppose you’re so smart,
Thinking all girls will be yours
(Except for lesbians, of course!)...

I’m not gonna judge you,
I’m just to assure you:
Your glory will pass,
They’ll forget your sweet grace,
Cos numerous young fops
Will come to take your place.

…Maybe, I talk like a bore,
But I just can take it no more!

Alas!

As regards the history of this poem, it was written more than half a year ago, and at that time I felt so angry and frustrated… Well, I guess it’s all in the past.

I know you don’t think that you have betrayed me;
I know you don’t care how much you have hurt me…

I trusted you like no one had,
I thought that you were my best friend,
Was sure you would never let me down;
When you needed help I was around.

I kept your secrets to myself,
We shared joy and we shared hell,
But what I thought was real, was false,
And bitch, I hate you now, because

Hypocrisy is your first name,
You don’t need him, you play the game;
His names are Lie and Emptiness;
How can you be so conscienceless?!

I don’t wanna see you again,
I must overcome all this pain.
Our friendship’s broken, it’s the end,
Sometimes I wish that you were dead…

Forgive Me

This "masterpiece" I created approximately half a year ago. And the source of inspiration was "Moment" of Kenny G - such a beautiful, deeply touching melody...

Forgive me, forgive me
Though I don't know the reason why,
Believe me, believe me,
I just can’t be alone in my life.

And all I’m longing for
Is for you to be here with me,
All the memories I keep,
They will always live in me.

Forgive me, forgive me
Though I don't know the reason why you leave me,
Without you in my soul
There will always be emptiness.

Remember, remember
The days when we had all the world,
When you were so tender,
I recall all the sweet things you told.

And all I’m living for
Is just making you smile,
Don’t turn away from me,
See me mourning and hear me cry.

Forgive me, forgive me
Though I don't know the reason why you leave me,
Believe me, believe me,
You’re the best of my closest friends.

My darling, you know,
I’m suffering this so hard,
Can’t imagine what my life will be
With us walking through life apart.
I need you and I miss you,
Even in my dreams wanna be with you.
Don’t hurt me, don’t you hurt me,
Rescue me from this song so blue.

Tell Me

It will maybe look funny, but these lyrics I wrote for “Path” of the same Apocalyptica (about two years ago). At that time I didn't have in mind any particular person; I was just in the mood for writing, and words occured to me automatically.


Tell me now, do you want me?
(I am crazy for you)
Do you dream every night of me?
(I do dream about you)
Does the blood seethe in your veins,
When you just see me again?

I wanna drown in your eyes,
They are so blue like the skies.
Tell me you long for me too,
There are so many things we could do.

Tell me that you need me and love me and die for me,
Tell me that you’ll be here when I call you, my dear,
Take my hand and show me the places I’ve never been,
I’m gonna adore you and give you my everything.

My heart is hot like the sun,
(You will melt by my side)
I’m on the path to your one.
Do you feel lonely without me near?
I’ll never leave, you don’t have to fear.

Show me love, show me bliss,
This is what now I miss.

I'm the Evil...

I’m the evil, I’m the sadness,
I am despair, I am madness;
I am sorrow, I’m the horror,
I am nothing, I am loving...

I am birth and I am death;
I am faithless…I still have faith.
I am weakness, I am strength;
I am waiting for the change.

I am stupid and so smart,
Lonely soul and cruel heart…
I’m the fortune, I am fate,
I am sickness, I am hate.

I’m an insect, I’m the curse,
I’m boredom, I’m the force;
I am failure, I’m the crash,
I’m the darkness, I’m the flash.

I’m the secret, I’m the light,
I’m the day and I’m the night.
I am illness and the cure;
I am doubtful, I am sure!

I am truth covered with lies,
I’m the blackness of your eyes.
Child of devil, child of God;
I’m an angel in the mud...

I’m the silence, I’m the scream,
I’m forever, I’m unreal;
I am kindness, I am rage,
I’m the anger locked in cage.

I am gladness, I am grief,
I’m the moaning, sigh so brief;
I’m oblivion, I’m obsession,
Suffocation, satisfaction...

I am glory, fatal love
At the bottom and above.
I’m courageous but I’m scared;
I am Fire, I am Dead.

I am freedom, I’m the prison,
Empty life without the reason…

Lost in the Deep/Deadly Romance (based on music of Apocalyptica)

Run… You may run anywhere,
But you can’t escape yourself;
You’re hollow inside,
There’s no sense left to fight;
Now you cannot deny,
Damn your weakness!
You’re alone, stuck on the outside,
You’ve got no place to hide…

And it’s all your fault,
But you hate them all,
No fears, no regrets…
No point in being scared,
No living in sin;
Two shores you find yourself between…

Sink in the ocean, so dark and boundless,
You’ll reach the bottom,
The awful black abyss…
Inhale but there’s no air,
And you will never breathe again!

Your memories…they flash in your mind…
And scorch you…for the last time…

No one can help you,
And I won’t save you,
Won’t be there to warm you
I'll never relieve this cruel truth.

I’ve been doting on you,
What if I still do?
Though I cry on the floor,
That matters no more…

What is it like…to reach the end?

Close my eyes, look inside of me,
The darkness covered everything;
It hides the wounds which can’t be healed.
Each second draws me closer to the end,
And suddenly I know – there's no need to pretend.

I’ve been watching birds flying
To a faraway land,
I’ve seen the snow falling
On the grey bare ground;
The sky’s like a stone,
And the sun is gone.
I observe the moon shining
All night long, all alone…

Just what is it like – to die in winter
And never hear the first sounds of spring?
What is it like – to be damned forever,
To be unforgiven, to break my own wings?

Why am I not strong enough
To quit the game which I have lost?
Why is this line always
Too difficult to cross?..

To My Long-Forgotten Love...Or Not?..

What for? What was my fault?
What I did wrong again?
Why he's become so cold-
I just can't understand...

Fated to be ignored
By the only one I need;
I should ignore him too,
My heart should stop to bleed...

I must forbid myself
To talk to him again,
But that's the main desire
From which I can't refrain!

He won't appreciate
My dumb self-sacrifice;
I cannot change a thing,
I have to close my eyes...

He'll never keep his word
And promises he made,
He doesn't give a shit
How long I have to wait!

He cannot feel my pain
And cannot cry my tears,
Won't save me from the rain,
Won't take away my fears...

You love him, he maybe loves someone,
And you keep wondering in your mind:
Why do the deepest feelings
Never coincide?!

DIRTY

Dirty rooms and dirty walls,
Dirty dreams and dirty souls...

Water's on the ceiling,
Water's on the floor,
Talk without the meaning,
Trying not to fall;

Staring into darkness,
Words have disappeared;
Everything is nonsense,
Everything is weird.

Crying, raging, grieving,
Fixing broken heart,
Living and forgiving,
Dying all apart...

TO GINGER

Being in her arms
Is driving me insane;
When I dream of us,
Don't wanna wake again.

I kiss her velvet skin,
I touch her chestnut hair,
I feel the fire within,
Her voice is everywhere...

When she looks at me
With those black eyes of hers,
I wish for nothing more
Than this sweet gaze that lures...

Tempt me and take me,
I'll give you all I can,
I'll drink you to the last drop
And drown in you again...
Poison me, baby,
No more regrets!
You're my dark angel,
The sinful innocence...

She can fade away
As fast as she appears;
I have to let her go
And then just face my fears...